Granted. You are paid well to have them published in Hustler, Swank, Club, and Foxx ... next to a pictorial featuring you engaged in a three way with 80-year-old amputee midgets.

I wish I could improve my Scrabble scores.

 

Granted. You can now school everyone in scrabble as your vocabulary and increase quite significantly. Everyone becomes confused by your extensive use of large words and refuses to play with you.

I wish for deep fried foods to appease my hormone induced craving.

 

Wish granted, you recieve all the deep fried foods you can eat....but you get very fat and get lots of achne... (sorry it was all I could come up with)

I wish my dog would chill out and stop tearin up my place when I go to work....

 

Granted
Instead of tearing up your place, he joins a roaming dog street gang. They beat up old ladies outsite a local strip mall and sell drugs of the cat ran mafia. Later you loose your home and are shot in a police raid because he had set up a meth lab in a hole in the wall behind the fridge.

I wish I had some blackberries.

 

nice one

 

wish granted. you eat a whole bowl of blackberries but then look at the last one and see it is covered in fur.

i wish i ruled the world

 

Granted, however the ecomomy goes in the toliet, people loose their jobs as a result, and angry mobs of canines are wandering the streets without leashes. The people rise up and revolt by destroying all the world's supply of Mt. Dew which was the secret to your rise to power. You are now the ruler of an unemployed, poverty stricken, canine crime filled, Mt. Dewless world.

I wish I had a pinball machine.

 

Wish granted, not only do you have a pinball machine but you live in it. You become very exhausted from running away from the multi-ball play when you get slammed by 1 - 2 - 3 balls one right after the other pinning you against the bumpers game after game and your ears are exploding from the ding ding ding.

I wish I were a one eyed purple martian.

 

Granted. But from the moment you set foot on the Earth, you're doomed. Microscopic organisms infect you and after 15 mins you drop down dead as the proverbial dodo.

I wish I could be the best snooker / pool player in the world and win absolutely every tournament there is, and then some!

 

wish granted but you go blind I wish I had some one here to cook my lunch

 

Granted, however the only thing they know how to prepare is monkey brains fried in a sause made of human testicles. You are arrested for canibalism along with the cook. Later you discover that the meat was infected with parasites which survived from the cooking process and are now eating into your brain causing madness.
I wish I my cats would stop destroying things in my home.

 

DT your wish has been granted, I will be over in my tiny maids uniform fishnet stockings and stelleto heals to cook you a full seven course meal for lunch with cherry pie for dessert. Unfortuantely, you eagerly wait upon my arrival only to find out later that I showed up at your brothers house instead.

If the untold could be said ... I wish that Minnie Mouse would tell Mickey Mouse that she is secretly having an affair with Goofy and Donald Duck.

 

Granted, however Mickey snaps and kills them all. He then goes on a twelve state crime spree ending in a stand off with police in your home where he has taken you hostage. He then makes you wear a pair of mouse ears and sharp shooters accidently shoot you believing it to be Mickey.
I wish for peace.

 

Wish granted, the world renounced all it's warfare and declared peace. But this was short lived as tempers flared into robust flames shooting an explosion off so bright that it could be seen at the spacestation. The explosion was so bright that the astornauts at the space station called home and said war broke out. Nervous, every nation began preparing their nuclear bombs and shoot them off only to destroy all life forms including the earthworms.

I wish for sunshine.

 

Granted.
However you get months and months of sunshine which results in a dire state of drought. Nothing will grow, all the ground water drys up, and there is not even enough water for drinking. What water that does remain is being sold for thousands of dollars an mililiter. You and everyone around you die from dehydration but the fluids remaining in your body are drained for the wealthy to drink.

I wish someone would wash my car.

 

MeQal comes to pick up his car from the detailers lot didn't see it anywhere up front as usual. He goes inside looking for his car and the clerk points to the car and MeQal says that's not mine, mine is black and silver :-s. Sir that is what is says on the slip. The clerk goes back and the manager comes out and explains that the order said to paint it candy apple red with floressent pink flames . Next time be careful of what you sign ...

I wish for a dozen black roses to be delivered to my front door with a note from a secret admirer.

 

Granted.
However they are laced with a potient knock out drug and you awake hours later to find that your secret admirer has kidnapped you. He turns out to be a mad scientist who plans to use you for his expirements in transplanting a human head to a kangaroo body. You pass out again onyl to awake to find the mad scientist having sex with your now lifeless torso while you live out the remainder of your days in a cage with the kangaroo body he has grafted your head on.

I wish that did not come out as creepy as it did.

 

Granted ... it was only a sci-fi movie on the discovery channel that led your mind into an overactive imagination wanting to replicate FRANKENSTEIN ... Igor help us.

I wish that the potent drug does not have any harsh withdrawal effects on my lifeless body.

 

Granted.
Since your body is lifeless it has no effects at all. However the psychological effects of now having a kangaroo body drives you into madness.

I wish I was the only winner of the biggest lotto prize in history.

 

granted, but on reading the small print on the ticket, he realised he had to marry a fat ugly bearded woman in 24 hours

i wish that my back got better soon